This post is basically a guide for those young lady who deem it fit, or who are under pressure of their partner to discuss their past with them; that’s, maybe their partner ask or force them about it, perhaps for one reason or the other. In the next post, I will discuss the topic: “should women really discuss their past with men or not“
Research done recently shows that 75 percent of men do ask about women’s ‘past’ while only 25 percent of women do occasionally ask about this from men because of their nature of simplicity; and it’s discovered and confirmed that they, i.e., women, only care about love. This is great and incomparable uniqueness about women. Okay, why should a man be so curious to about woman’s past? I don’t know because I didn’t do that when I met my wife, for I know nobody is without past. Everybody has a past, either a good, bad or even a worst past!
Some Young Women’s Experiences And Desperate Conclusions
As said earlier in the first paragraph above, this post is dedicated to all women the world over. And, I am writing it purposely because, from experience, I have come across some women, who explained their relationship state—in the past—with their men partner to me with weeping, regret and bitterness of mind, telling me how so much they loved these men, and how they have been seriously maltreated and left for another woman just because of telling them the whole truth about their past life (I felt so sorry for these women). These women felt disappointed and are deeply sorrowful for their state. The worst side of the story is these women’s conclusion: “we have concluded decisively that we won’t be honest or open to any man again”, this they said. This made me feel so bad and advised them to avoid stereotype as this could make it difficult for them to pick up the pieces of their life and make up their mind and decide to look for another man to restart their marital journey with. I had to advice them this way because I also am a man, and because all men are not the same; some are good and some are bad and even wicked.
Should A Woman Ever Discuss Her Past With Her Man Partner?
Having seen the situations of those women above, the question now is should women ever discuss their past with man in relationship at all? This a logical question which needs a logical response. To be factual, honest and moralistic here, I would bluntly say ‘yes’ to this question, but I won’t say ‘yes’ here for now. Let’s save this now for the next post. But, I will just say that the best answer to this, for now, is based on your situation—as a woman—in the relationship with the man and how deep you have studied him, and to what level have you known him. I mean what do you know characteristically about him. This is one of the mistakes some women do make when it comes to dealing with their man (partner) in relationship.; many of them don’t care to study their partners. They don’t care putting some things into consideration before jumping into discussing their past with their partner, all because of love. I don’t blame these women because when the fire of love starts burning, nobody can quench it! Okay, without wasting time, let’s go to the point.
Things To Put Into Consideration Before Any Young Woman Should Discuss Her Past With Any Man?
As a woman, what should you put into consideration before beginning discussing your past with your partner? You know I am not saying you must discuss your past with your partner here, but I am saying in case your partner ask about this from you under force,.and probably, unfortunately you have some terrible, unspeakable and unbearable worst past, due to ignorance or some unwarranted reasons or causes in the past. These things listed under here are good things for you to consider first before you begin telling him the whole story:
- Do a study—You should consider studying and examining him first. As a woman, this is one of the best ways to the true character, true nature, the true person of your partner. To know whether you are in a right relationship or not, do a close and genuine study on your partner. Before you will ever begin opening up your mind to your man about your past, first give him a close study and make sure you discover some things about him like his nature, maybe he is temperamental or not. You must be able to know if he has that ability to accept the bitter raw truth about your past. If he is mature to accept the truth, and if he genuinely loves you, it’s here you will know. This is the first thing to do, and having had this done, you can now have your decision base on your conviction from the study you have done on your him.
- Temperament level—Study his temperament. Study maybe he is too much temperamental; that’s, if he easily becomes upset or angry, or have unpredictable emotional behavior or unusual attitude or mood. If you notice that he has any of these, you should think twice and seek for advice from a good marriage counselor over this. Why did I say this? It’s because a person with high temperamental can do and undo.
- Maturity level—Study to see maybe he is mature enough to accept the truth about your past. Be serious about this. Don’t joke about this around because we are talking about your relationship here, as this is your life. If you see a kind of immaturity in him, think twice and seek for advice from a good marriage counselor, or from somebody who is wise and experienced enough in marriage matter. If you have a marriage counselor, let him or her know about everything you noticed about your partner while trying or attempting telling him the whole story about your past, and follow his or her directives.
- Love level—Study if he truly, deeply, and genuinely in love with you because the first thing a true genuine relationship should possess is love. It’s upon this are all other factors for building a solid, good and strong marriage relationship hung. If you noticed that he doesn’t really love you, don’t bother yourself to discuss anything about your past with him. If he insists on you telling him your past, then think twice and seek for genuine advice from professional, experienced marriage counselor for guidance about this.
- Honesty level—Study if he is truly honest with you. If he is honest with you and you have clearly noticed this, don’t bother yourself having your past discussed with him, but seek for advice from expert marriage counselor.
- Reason he is curious to know your past—Study him very well to know why he is bothered on knowing about your past. Watch him very well maybe he just want to use your past as an advantage for him to use it against you, so that he can achieve his bad aim on you.
- Does he have a forgiving spirit?—Study to see maybe he has a forgiving spirit, and maybe when he hears a word he does not like to hear, he doesn’t quickly overlook it. If he does not let go of any issue that comes into his mind and way, then think twice before you speak and seek for good marriage counselor to guide you true about this over this.
If You Noticed That Your Partner Seemed To Be Unforgiving If You Your Past With Him, What Should You Do Then?
After you have done all of the above, and you now noticed a trait that your partner will not take it easy on you because your past contains some kinds of unspeakable, and unbearable truths, facts, and even you yourself know that the end of making attempt to tell or reveal everything about your past could breed separation without remedy, and you don’t want this to happen (you couldn’t afford this to occur) because you are in deep love with the man (he is your heart-throb). As a woman, it’s reasonable and proper to know and understand the kind of a partner (man) you are dealing with because this will definitely help you know how to handle him well if a situation like this rise between you. I have found out that there are some men who are so fond of asking about their partner’s past—to the point putting pressure on her—just to know what have really gone wrong in the past, perhaps they have heard something that’s worth questioning about the woman’s past from the people around. Therefore, in a situation like this, you need wisdom to tackle the this. What can you do then?
- Go to the elders for healthy and wise advise—The Bible says in the multitude of counseling the plan establishes. When you find yourself in such a difficult situation like this, the best and proper thing or step you can take is quickly going to an elderly one—who has had enough marital experience and wisdom to handle a situation like this—for wise and healthy advice. I strongly believe if you go to people like this, surely you will find the way out of your predicament. You will find a way out of your trouble. What kind of elder am I referring to here that you can go to for help? In case you are confused, you know I mentioned an elderly one earlier: yes, it’s an elderly one, but not just an elderly one: he or she may be your pastor, your marriage counselor, or someone you know is wise enough to really handle a situation like this for you. Let me tell you, I know that doing this will surely help you get out of your trouble. Don’t doubt this.
- Hand over the situation to God—The bible says “when a foundation be destroyed, what can a righteous do?—Psalm 11: 3”. The answer is, the righteous will have to pray. Therefore, I f a situation like this occur in your marital journey, you must know that it’s Satan who is at work to destroy your life and marital life. Therefore, you must understand that you have to pray to the stand-still till Satan is put to shame over your marriage. It will be unfortunate if you don’t understand this point, maybe because you are not a Christian. I know if you are a Christian you will know and understand what I am saying here. You have to put everything in fasting and prayer over your situation. If you can’t do it alone, you can even ask your pastor—provided you are Christian—to help you join hand in prayer, and I know you will experience automatic miracle over your matter. There is nothing God can’t do! Do this in and by faith, and you will see miracle. Even if you are a great sinner, this does not stop you from going to your God for prayer concerning your situation. Additionally, if you are not a Christian, this also cannot and must not stop you from going to your God for prayer over your situation regarding your marriage, most especially in a situation like the one we discussed here. Don’t neglect prayer. Prayer challenges and shakes the hand of God. The Bible says in 1 chronicles 7: 14 “if my people who are called by my name humble themselves and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land”
Finally, to be factual here, what we discussed above are sure ways to deal with difficult situation that comes up between woman and man already in relationship, who seem to be bothering about knowing each other’s past. And basically, women are found as the most victims of this particular issue. Women don’t bother much on men’s past but men do. Therefore, I advise women to strictly follow those guide above, for it’s written from life experience but not from fiction. Women, this is basically for you.